The Crunchies Ultimate Preview

Posted on January 18, 2008
Filed Under Web 2.0 Kool Aid |

San Francisco is going to be jumping tonight and this time it won’t solely be because Drama 2.0 is in town to show all the Frisco ladies how he makes it rain at The Supper Club. No, this time San Francisco will be jumping because are going down at the Herbst Theater. If you haven’t heard, The Crunchies are basically the Grammys of Web 2.0 and the stars of Silicon Valley will be walking down a gradient red carpet hoping that they’ll be going home with an award (if not a PR chick).

As with all great awards shows, a preview is needed and The Drama 2.0 Show is proud to bring you The Crunchies Ultimate Preview.


All great awards show previews require predictions, so here are mine:

Best Design: MySpace
Best Lack of a Business Model: Twitter
Best Place to Meet Easy Chicks: MySpace
Most Entertaining Startup: ChaCha
Best Privacy Invader: Facebook
Most Likely to Fail: The Drama 2.0 Show
Most Robotic Founder: Mark Zuckerberg
Best Web 2.0 Tits & Ass: Zivity
Best Community CEO: Jason Calacanis
Most Widgetized: Slide
Best Affirmative Action Startup:
Most Inflated Valuation: Facebook
Most Likely to Run Out of Luck: Kevin Rose

The competition is sure to be fierce and don’t be surprised to see some surprises!

The Award

Crunchies organizer Michael Arrington revealed the award Crunchies winners will receive but I got the inside scoop on its true inspiration: Robert Scoble.


Not many people outside of the entertainment business know it, but awards shows were not designed primarily for the awards. They were originally conceived of as a way for fashion companies to advertise their new collections for free. As such, the most important things to watch at The Crunchies are the fashion statements.

Web 2.0 sites have a reputation for looking good; their founders don’t. According to my sources, TechCrunch paid the San Francisco Fashion Police a six-figure sum to give fashion-challenged Silicon Valley outsiders a free pass. But even though the stars of Web 2.0 don’t have to worry about being arrested for their fashion atrocities, do expect them to go the extra mile to look somewhat presentable.

Modest Mark Zuckerberg will indulge for the first time. My sources tell me he plans to trade in his infamous Adidas sandals for a pair of gold-plated, diamond-encrusted sandals.

Advertising expert Robert Scoble plans to attend in his birthday suit. Attendees are encouraged to wear eye protection when in his presence.

Community CEO Jason Calacanis still has the Halloween spirit and plans to arrive as a walking disaster.

Zivity founder Cyan Banister, a staunch supporter of this blog, had an unfortunate malfunction with the wardrobe she planned to wear and will instead be sporting an innovative piece from Calvin Kleavage.

Justin Kan will be wearing a camera.

The PayPal Mafia will be conspicuously present in Dockers.

Finally, and most importantly, I will wearing an outfit from the new Z Zegna collection by Ermenegildo Zegna:

The Party, The After Party, The Hotel Lobby

I have no idea where the Web 2.0 stars are going after The Crunchies are over, but I’m prepared for a typical Drama 2.0 Friday night.

It always seems to start with…

…and end with…

Can’t Make It?

Finally, for those in the Bay Area who could not get their hands on a ticket to The Crunchies, the awards will be broadcast live via a closed-circuit television feed at the Mitchell Bros O’Farrell Theatre at 895 O’Farrell Street. Viewing of the feed is free with the purchase of one peep-show.

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